Tell Me Why I Don't Like Geldof

I have a penchant for picking names. Baby names, pet names, company names, names for story characters, names for products. I think I could earn some serious cash by promoting myself as a name guru. And as a serious name guru I will admit to having issues with certain celebrities and the liberties they take when naming their utterly defenseless young. Take this man for instance:

Mr. Boomtown Rats himself and his ill-named progeny Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Pixie Frou-Frou (Sorry, I won't hate on little Tiger Lily due to a teenage crush on Michael Hutchence).

Now, I'm all for originality BUT these names are batshitcrazy. And I suspect the crazy is the reason behind this sad bit of news:

"Police are expected to speak to Bob Geldof's daughter later this week after she was filmed allegedly buying cocaine. Peaches Geldof, 19, was exposed in a national newspaper over the weekend after she was secretly filmed during a suspected drug deal."

Yeah. I think we all know why Peaches is buying drugs. Nice work Bob.

I'm going to start calling her Penelope and see if it helps. AND while I'm at it I might as well rename some other poorly-named celebrity children as a public service. I'll give Jermajesty Jackson a simple name. Something more old fashion cuz she has enough problems with that family of hers. I think "Jocelyn" will do. And Pilot Inspektor will be "Pryor Lee" cuz his dad IS funny (despite his terrible taste in names). Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (Seriously Bono, "Q"? Really?) has it easy. There's is nothing wrong with Elijah. But the rest has to go.

See how easy it is to give a child a name that won't embarrass them? A name that can easily be yelled out at the park without shattering any eardrum within a ten mile radius.

Let me know if you want me to name your baby. The kid may thank you one day.