Put Me in Coach

Let us ponder the human improvement process otherwise know as life-coaching. . . .

Seriously, I can’t even believe this is a real job. People actually PAY other people to do this:

“You hire a coach to achieve your personal, spiritual, family and business Coachable Goals, much more effectively, more efficiently, more completely, with more fun, and in less time than any other human improvement process . Life coaches assist you to: overcome obstacles and fears, focus on solutions, have someone to bounce ideas off, no matter how silly they may seem, discover truths about you, and how you can improve, accomplish more than you thought possible, and achieve balance in your personal, work and family lives. Your coach will UNLEASH YOU, to become the person you always wanted to be and were capable of becoming.”

So life-coaching is therapy. Without the couch. And the pharmaceutical benefits. I’m guessing it’s not covered under my HMO either.

Oh and get this:

“Life coaches, and business coaches charge all over the map for their services. It has been reported that the average life coach (including over 60% who are rookie coaches) charges $187 per hour. You can reduce your costs by purchasing a bundle of sessions with your coach. Even with bundled session discounts, the prices for one on one individual telephone life coaching will run between $300 US to $1,000 US for three (3) to five (5) coaching sessions per period. Specialized executive and corporate coaching will approach $2,000 US per period for up to 8 coaching sessions and 24/7 hour on call availability.”

One hundred eighty seven dollars. AN HOUR. Which is $388,960 a year. This is the part where I gently weep over a poorly-written manuscript.

Maybe I should get a life coach to help me become a life coach. Then I could get paid to tell people things like:

“Oh boo-hoo”
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“You know what your problem is, don’t you”
“Get over it”
“Shut up.”

Yeah. Best. Life coach. Ever